No Ho Ho Ho (Christmas In DC)
Santa’s done playing nice. 🎅🔥
Trump’s economy has Santa cutting corners. He’s checked his naughty list: There will be no Christmas in DC this term.
Lyrics
The North Pole’s melting and the soot is in my lungs,
I’ve had a bellyful of lies from all your silver tongues.
I’m tossing out the velvet suit, I’m burning every toy,
There’s nothing left in DC for Santa to enjoy.
Robert Kennedy, stand up! You like the “natural” way?
I’m taking back the polio shots I gave you in your day.
No presents for your stocking, just a glass of rusted lead,
And a plague of “Natural Measles” to keep you in your bed.
No “Ho-Ho-Ho,” just a “No-No-No,”
I’m packing up the sleigh and I’m ready to go.
You wanted MAGA? Well, I’ll give it to you straight:
It’s Misery, Avarice, Greed, and Hate.
I’m taking back the magic, I’m taking back the light,
You’re getting what you earned on this cold, black night.
Elon, you’re a special case, you techno-fascist clown,
You dismantled USAID and watched the world drown.
You want “Efficiency”? Well, here’s a gift that’s DOGE approved:
A self-driving Cybertruck with the brakes removed.
I’m taking back your childhood dreams of reaching for the stars,
And leaving you a one-way ticket... to a cage on Mars.
Stephen Miller, you’re the next; the architect of fear,
I’m deporting you to “Nowhere” without shedding a single tear.
No “Ho-Ho-Ho,” just a “No-No-No,”
I’m packing up the sleigh and I’m ready to go.
You wanted MAGA? Well, I’ll give it to you straight:
It’s Misery, Avarice, Greed, and Hate.
I’m taking back the magic, I’m taking back the light,
You’re getting what you earned on this cold, black night.
Pam Bondi, you’re the hunter? Well, the prey has got a list,
I’m taking back the Justice that you twisted in your fist.
Kash Patel, you ink the files and hide the Epstein names?
I’m gifting you a spotlight that’ll expose your pathetic claims.
Tulsi, here’s a nesting doll with Putin’s face inside,
And a permanent vacation where there’s nowhere left to hide.
Tom Emmer, take your “Big Ugly Bill”, your trillion-dollar heist,
And make your case to the tender mercies of the antichrist.
Donald Jr., Eric, and the Crypto-King regime,
I’m crashing every server in your digital-gold dream.
Jared, here’s a bucket of that “Oligarchal Sand,”
For the grift you tried to proffer over stolen Ukraine land.
And for the “big man” in the West Wing, the one who thinks he’s god,
I’m taking back the plunder and I’m leaving you the rod.
The reindeer are all starving and the elves have gone on strike,
I had to pawn the Christmas sleigh in exchange for a motor-bike.
You’ve destroyed our nation’s economy while disgracing our name,
We all know who to point to, we all know whose to blame.
So I’m taking back the pardon, I’m taking back our name,
I’m leaving you with nothing but the shadow of your shame.
No “Ho-Ho-Ho,” just a “No-No-No,”
I’ve got one gift left before I go:
It’s a mirror in a frame made of bitter, black coal,
So you finally have to look... at the hole in your soul.
Check the return address. The North Pole is closed.